TV actress Chavi Mittal recently shared her Birth Story on Instagram. It was as if a spark had lit up a forest of dry wood that was waiting to catch fire. Chavi recounted how a 9 month period of happy anticipation and “normal” activities awaiting the birth of her second baby turned suddenly into a nightmare in the hospital when she got admitted.

She and her husband had shared their preference for natural birth and their wishes with their doctor. After an uneventful and happy pregnancy period when the delivery date approached, she was asked to come to the hospital, induced even though labor was progressing, and none of their wishes cared for. Her husband was not allowed in the labor room, and she was left vulnerable and helpless. After she was given Pitocin, her labor stopped progressing and she was in “excruciating pain”. Being the determined mommy that she was, she withstood the pain, alone, in the absence of her husband (who was not allowed to be with her), till she was 8 cm dilated. At that moment her doctor came in and announced she was going to have a c-section. Everything they had prepared for went up in smoke. Chavi was devastated. Her doctor tried to assure her saying “Dont worry! I am famous for giving small incisions”. While being wheeled into the OT, she was even not allowed to use the restroom to pee – “Are jaldi karo – seedha Catheter lagayenge”. After the surgery, she was drugged, no Skin to Skin Bonding, Cord not allowed to pulse, baby taken away from her…. the list goes on.

We wont go into the sad details, but here is the account of her experience in her own words….

She asks, My body is healing…. but will my soul ever heal?

Over the past 12 years, I have listened to countless stories of mothers who have had traumatic previous birth experiences as Chavi’s. As we sat in my office, mothers, dads, and I have cried together, as if the tears can wash away the heaviness of the heart, and the pain of the body, but more importantly, of the soul. Everything that she endured at her hospital despite her wishes to be treated safely, with respect, only goes to show how skewed maternity care is practiced to be heavily in favor of the medical system, and where mothers are only at the bottom of the care universe.

Things need to change. I keep asking, how are we bringing our next generation into this world? Our future generations are being born into an environment full of violence, lack of respect, and scant regard to the sanctity of the birth. No one denies medical intervention is a life saver when the situation demands… That is the operative word – “When there is an emergency”. What is passed off as an emergency is anything and everything. And justified by saying “The baby is healthy, isnt it?”

Care, respect, and compassion mean freedom to the human spirit! Yes, MMR and IMR reduction to the lowest possible levels should be on everyone’s goal list, but Respectful Maternity Care and Safe Maternity Care are NOT mutually exclusive.

The level of vitriol that has been spewed in social media, just because one mother wanted to open up about her birth experience, makes me feel like it is unsafe for a woman to express herself. It is after all her body, her baby, and her birth experience.

Second, the number of women who we see daily in our clinic after a previous C section, or even an interventional vaginal birth, who say that their voices were not heard, and that the pain of the internal exams was more than the pain of the delivery process, tells us that the woman is not respected as a whole person. She is seen as a vessel carrying a baby, and as a sum of parts that need to be manipulated, and the baby extracted out of her.

Third, informed consent is in name only, if there at all. Throw the word “emergency” at her, and the woman will do anything to keep the baby safe! Little is she told that each intervention can increase the risk of such “emergencies” arising!

Fourth, medicine and obstetrics in particular, have forgotten that birth in general is a function of biology and physiology. Treating it like pathology from the moment of conception to birth, ensures that the hierarchical, patriarchial, non-participative, “you must obey me” and “you must cooperate” model of care is enforced. This does 2 things:- In fear, the mother and family agree to whatever the care provider says. And, after the process, they carry forward that very message that birth cannot be trusted, and that we should be fearful of it. This cycle of fear has no end, and perpetuates a self-fulfilling prophecy of increased c sections, interventions, and mediocre maternity care at best, in which survival is seen as a pinnacle of achievement…..Why would any woman want to “experience” birth as a beautiful right of passage into motherhood??!?

#ChhaviMittal had the courage to talk about her birth experience on social media. But, like her, I see on a daily basis, so many mothers come in and talk, debrief, and mourn the loss of what could have been a window of opportunity to welcome their baby with peace, kindness and love.

The least we can all do is to acknowledge her. And, at the very best, we must try and change the entire system which does not value the sacred feminine powers of birth and motherhood.

#SupportChhaviMittal #ListeningToMothers
#SupportedBirth #MaternalExperiencesAreImportant
#WhenWeListenWeLearn