For most women giving birth, the process of birthing is an intensely physical emotional experience – one that most women describe has no parallel. They are extremely receptive, yet wonderfully tuned into their own senses, so that they can birth their babies safely. In this state, they are also vulnerable to being subjected to unwanted attention, advice and company, which in fact can stall or delay their labor. So, how can women maintain their privacy, and yet make sure that they gently keep well-meaning relatives, mothers/mother-in-laws away as they go through this journey?
First, it is important to know that the hormones of labor work only if the mother is emotionally at peace. When, she is distressed about someone’s presence or fearful about her surroundings, the “flight or fight” hormones – Catacholamines – come into play and labor stalls at that stage. For labor to progress, the “love” hormone – Oxytocin – is required. Oxytocin is produced when there is peace, calm, quiet and love. Is it any surprise then, that so many labors in the bright, intense lights of the hospital labor rooms, with caregivers who are not familiar to the mom, land up “with failure to progress” and ultimately in a C-Section? Conversely, the presence of the husband/partner, and an ambiance similar to where conception occurred, then, seems to be the best way to help labor progress and a gentle birth to happen.
We have seen many times at our Birthing Center, that as long as the mother is not comfortable with the people around her, she is unable to relax completely and surrender herself to labor. As soon as these elements are addressed, she is able to get on with the hard work of laboring, and gives birth with poise, confidence and grace. So, we now routinely address this question at our antenatal check-ups, as the baby’s birth nears. Who does the mother-to-be really want during the time that she is laboring? For some women, it may mean her mother, sister or occasionally her mother-in-law, along with her husband/partner. However, most women actually only want their husbands to be their birth partners. On occasion, we as midwives, have stepped in at the parents’ request and have on their behalf requested well-meaning family members to wait either at home or outside the place of birth.
Finally, as you prepare for your baby’s birth, it probably would be a good idea to sit down and talk with the people (especially the grand-mothers-to-be) who would like to be at your birth. You can tell them that while you value their contribution and effort towards your baby’s birth, you would really appreciate it if they understood your need to be by yourselves during the birth. You can also tell them that you would obviously welcome and want them to be present after the baby is born. Hopefully, this will pave the way for them to not feel bad at being told at the end and feeling left out. And, most importantly, leave your mind free to prepare emotionally and physically for the beautiful birth that you have always dreamt of!
Please feel free to write in your experiences and comments …